The most Boring Blues team in Oxford Sporting History?

In Sports Teams by Luke Cotter and Jamie Parkinson3 Comments

The day is almost here. Saturday 2nd December will see the 127th Oxford vs Cambridge Gentleman’s Blues Varsity  match; 7.5 miles of mud, hills, and pain. Such is the quality of both sides that the outcome appears particularly hard to predict this year, however unfortunately the same cannot be said about the second eagerly fought race of the day. As Wimbledon Common gives way to the Old Deer Park, eight from each University will attempt to consume their pints as fast as possible. At last weekend’s II-IV team matches Oxford emerged narrow victors, however there are serious concerns that this Saturday’s line up may be quicker completing another lap of the course than finishing their hard earned refreshment. Putting aside such doubts for one moment, let’s meet the team…

Jamie Parkinson

Miles run this term: 446 (63.8 avg.)
Nights out this term: 0.
Boat race rating: 6/10.

‘Jamie you’re 24 you should be getting a mortgage, not throwing up on the back of a coach’ – Alex Howard, 2017.

Jamie doesn’t go very often, but when he does he goes hard (to be fair, he did come 11th at BUCS the day before). A solid member of the team for both the running and boat race. A good all rounder, probably why he has full blues in 4 different sports.

Jack Millar

Miles run this term: 395 (56.4 avg.)
Nights out this term: 1 (and got ill and lost cuppers).
Boat race rating: 2/10.

Mind-games Millar. Having agreed terms with Cambridge last year, Jack surprised the sporting world with a deadline day change of heart to the Dark Blue side. Transfer fee undisclosed but a reported £5 buyout clause makes a departure from Oxford before the end of the year unlikely.

William Christofi

Miles run this term: Nobody gets to see Christofi’s training diary. Likely 30-40 miles of 9min/miling and a lot of swimming.
Nights out this term: 0. He’s never been to a club (will this February if we get 3 medals at BUCS though)
Boat race rating: 0. He’s also never drank alcohol.

Away on international duty last year (representing GB at the European champs).
Since then has got injured and spent 11 months remembering how to run. Now resembles a gremlin.

Luuk Metselaar

Miles run this term:  395 (56.4 avg.) 26.2 of them being a marathon in 2h22.
Nights out this term: 0.
Boat race rating: 0 – if it’s not Merlot he ain’t drinking it.

Since last years race Luuk has been a bit busy, coming 9th at BUCS, a podium finish at the Dutch marathon champs and… getting married. Yes, we literally have a married man in the team. Married men don’t do boat races.

Fitness has never seemed so good.

Oliver Paulin

Miles run this term: 470 (67 avg.)
Nights out this term: 0.
Boat race rating: 0. Also never drank alcohol.

Cuppers champion (pending enquiry).

Dan Mulryan

Miles run this term: 482 (68.1)
Nights out this term: 1.
Boat race rating: 5/10.

Tabs have a tendency to get lost. They claim we don’t like correcting them. But last Sunday when Dan stumbled across a confused/hungover looking tab without any phone battery or money, he took out £20 and told him how to catch the next X5 back to the hell hole where he came from. Top bloke.

Kirk Smith

Miles run this term: 391 (55.8 avg.)
Nights out this term: 1.
Boat race rating: 4/10 (he only shotguns bud light).

I don’t think Kirk’s a big drinker, but maybe he’s making the most of his new found freedom after 4 years at Tulsa. It may explain why he’s always terrible in training if constantly hungover. Suspicions first aroused following a trip to hospital after knocking himself out on the first run of term, where he was found to have a blood alcohol level five times the legal limit. Luckily, he seems to take a break before race day and has consistently pulled it out the bag for his races.

Alex Bampton

Miles run this term: 401 (57.3 avg.)
Nights out this term: 24
Boat race rating: 8/10.

Drafted in last minute after his performance last Saturday. Downed his pint impressively, leading the Tortoises (II’s men) to their first Boat race victory in many years.
After hearing the tabs spent their August altitude training, Bampton’s started to smoke, thinking it will give him the same physiological benefits (a Birmingham graduate, everyone).

For live viewing on the day, please tune into OUCCC TV for a live Facebook feed.
Also, for live updates on scores during the race, please follow this twitter account.

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